Squashed

A blog of politics, law, religion, and the tricky spots where they collide.

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By my calculations, it’s around 1895312798° F in Massachusetts today. The dog and I are hanging out for the evening. He want’s to cuddle and I’m like, “Sorry, dude. You’re way to furry and warm-blooded. Try again when you’re an iguana.”

So I was lying down, trying to maximize exposure to the ceiling fan,1 reading my dashboard on the iPhone. Sure, there was a full-sized desktop like four feet away—but sometime’s it’s too warm to move. The fan and I were just starting to get our groove on. Anyway, I came across [this post from Justin. I’d forgotten that tonight is the night where you make faces at a camera and talk briefly about politics.

Justin thinks it doesn’t much matter who you vote for because he sees the November election as a  “douche vs turd sandwich” situation. He feels that as somebody who works in D.C., he should have more insightful advice.2 Don’t sweat it. As a guy who works in the Pioneer Valley, I’ve got you covered.

If you like one of the candidates, vote for him. (I’ll be voting for Obama because I think he’s done a fantastic job as President.) If you don’t like either of the candidates, vote for the guy you’re confident isn’t going to do something like name John Bolton as Secretary of State3. If, for whatever reason, you’re okay with that and you still have no preference between the two, try to find a third party candidate you like.

The third party candidate won’t win. We know that. But a vote for a 3rd party will be counted—and the two main parties know that they’re doing such a crappy job of appealing to your part of the electorate that they’re losing votes they could be courting.



The unshaven look is deliberate. Those bristles are there to help me more efficiently radiate heat. ↩



By the way, if you’re working on Capitol Hill, ask for the turd sandwich over the douche. Your order isn’t going to show up until, like, February. The cannibalism taboo will still be intact by then. And at least D.C. is not known for turning people into turd sandwiches. ↩



Ask yourself, “Will this candidate nominate John Bolton for Secretary of State or nominate John Yoo for the Supreme Court?” If you hesitate, even for a second, you need to vote for the other guy. ↩

By my calculations, it’s around 1895312798° F in Massachusetts today. The dog and I are hanging out for the evening. He want’s to cuddle and I’m like, “Sorry, dude. You’re way to furry and warm-blooded. Try again when you’re an iguana.”

So I was lying down, trying to maximize exposure to the ceiling fan,1 reading my dashboard on the iPhone. Sure, there was a full-sized desktop like four feet away—but sometime’s it’s too warm to move. The fan and I were just starting to get our groove on. Anyway, I came across [this post from Justin. I’d forgotten that tonight is the night where you make faces at a camera and talk briefly about politics.

Justin thinks it doesn’t much matter who you vote for because he sees the November election as a “douche vs turd sandwich” situation. He feels that as somebody who works in D.C., he should have more insightful advice.2 Don’t sweat it. As a guy who works in the Pioneer Valley, I’ve got you covered.

If you like one of the candidates, vote for him. (I’ll be voting for Obama because I think he’s done a fantastic job as President.) If you don’t like either of the candidates, vote for the guy you’re confident isn’t going to do something like name John Bolton as Secretary of State3. If, for whatever reason, you’re okay with that and you still have no preference between the two, try to find a third party candidate you like.

The third party candidate won’t win. We know that. But a vote for a 3rd party will be counted—and the two main parties know that they’re doing such a crappy job of appealing to your part of the electorate that they’re losing votes they could be courting.


  1. The unshaven look is deliberate. Those bristles are there to help me more efficiently radiate heat. 

  2. By the way, if you’re working on Capitol Hill, ask for the turd sandwich over the douche. Your order isn’t going to show up until, like, February. The cannibalism taboo will still be intact by then. And at least D.C. is not known for turning people into turd sandwiches. 

  3. Ask yourself, “Will this candidate nominate John Bolton for Secretary of State or nominate John Yoo for the Supreme Court?” If you hesitate, even for a second, you need to vote for the other guy. 

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