On the “friendzone”
I know it’s been said a million times, but if you’re giving all your ~* friendship *~ to women in expectation of some tail, maybe you should make it clear, with more than puppy dog looks and some Ben & Jerry’s, that you’re down to fuck. Because women aren’t fucking mind readers. If a guy never in our entire friendship expresses a desire to see my bathing suit areas, then I will assume that’s not a place our friendship will go. And if I suspect he’s being weird and friendly only to see my bathing suit areas, I’m a lot more likely to drop the friendship, because that’s not a friend, that’s a transaction. And I ain’t your ho.
I feel like there has to be a middle ground where we don’t have to throw a pity-party for somebody who feels entitled to something he’s not entitled to but can still acknowledge that people have different hopes for relationships—and when those hopes don’t match up, it hurts.
If somebody deliberately enters a friendship (or any other sort of relationship) under false pretenses, of course that’s a problem. There’s not much slimier than setting out to earn somebody’s trust for the purpose of abusing that trust. If it’s just a communication issue? That’s nothing new. People are bad at communicating. People are bad at knowing what they want. People are really bad at communicating what they want.
I don’t see a problem with people wanting to get to know each other a bit before deciding what sort of relationship they want to have. When they come to different conclusions, feelings are hurt. Stupid things are said. Disappointment is easier to handle when we can blame somebody else for it. When somebody complains that they’re doomed to live “in the friend zone,” there’s a legitimate sadness to jilted hopes or disappointed expectations (regardless of whether the expectations were justified). Sadness is okay. And it’s okay to feel a bit of regret that somebody else is sad and that’s mucking up your friendship. One of the hazards of living in a crowded world is that we sometimes bump into people. Bruises heal. Bruised egos heel faster.
